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You might still be single because of something called the 'paradox of choice' — here's what it means
The romantically pathetic urbanite, the one with a full dance card but an empty love life, is as familiar Property for sale in thornton heath Seinfeld or Carrie Brhaw. And that sad image got a boost of validation earlier this week when Satoshi Kanazawa, an evolutionary psychologist with the London School of Economics, explained on BigThink.
It's just simple math, you neurotic, bagel-eating, rent-overpaying person who will die alone, you.
When faced with Any horny ladies, humans tend to give the thumbs down to the first third of their options before making a decision. Kanazawa isn't the first to point out the potentially sabotaging Clever account names of choice. Why go out on a second date with someone who is, as Gottlieb says, "a seven," when there's a city teeming with tens? She expounded on the concept in a recent Examiner.
People think maybe there's something better out there. The idea that a glut of options -- the kind we city folk take for granted when we're choosing where to get pizza tonight or where to get laid -- make us unhappy first gathered steam via Barry Schwartz's book "The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less.
But when it comes to matters of the heart, who says this alleged "difficulty" is limited to city folk? As Gottlieb has noted, online dating is all about that veritable buffet of choices. At her reading, she mentioned how some sites, in the spirit of iTunes and Amazon, will recommend people you might like based on other profiles you checked out.
We have more romantic options than ever -- is it making us miserable?
Enjoy downtown banker? Check out divorced vegan! You don't have to live in a place Herpes support group seattle a subway line to have access to those abundant options; you just need a computer and a Match. Click, click, click -- it's channel surfing, but for tail.
The notion of "maximizers," those souls eternally unsatisfied even when it's raining men, certainly has merit, even if it does seem to get invoked an awful lot to chastise women for being so picky. That's not to say they don't exist -- everybody has the friend who's quick to dismiss a guy for a misspelled e-mail or not being tall enough. And let's not forget the man who strings you along with an eye to upgrade, shall we? There are deeper questions, however, to be considered here. First, let's get rid of the idea that playing the field is a miserable, self-defeating experience.
The paradox of choice in relationships
For some, dating a thousand people before landing on that mythic one sounds nightmarish. For others, it's pretty freaking awesome.
Kissing a lot of frogs is only grim if you're doing so in a bid to pair off for eternity. Sometimes it's just nice to, as a friend calls it, "Frankendate" a Hayden panettiere dating wdw of lovers without fretting that any one of them will complete you as a human being. Now let's think about all the people crammed in at those Lori Gottlieb readings, the ones who say they really do want to meet the right person, but keep striking out.
I didn't go to the London School of Economics, but I've got a theory here: I don't think they all mean it. There's huge cultural pressure to mate, to breed, to get all of one's questions in life settled and answered -- especially for women.
The tyranny of dating choice
But you know, Adult seeking casual sex NC Conway 27820 not all of these "maximizers" who are out there turning down the guy in the bow tie really want all of that. It's easier to keep up the appearance, even to oneself, of being on a romantic quest for true love than admitting, yeah, actually, I might prefer what I already have.
Being in a real relationship with a fellow flawed individual isn't all picnics and reliable sex; it's also challenging and fraught with annoyance.
It's not for everybody. But that doesn't sell books. Consider also the geography-specific personalities that factor in when considering as sticky a wicket as romance.
If you live in a city, you probably enjoy variety -- you're good maximizer material. If you live in the little town where you grew up, you're likelier to be a satisficer -- to make your choices and not second-guess them much.
You may also have more traditional criteria for a mate than someone who's hobnobbing with Lady Gaga tonight. Which type has a higher probability of reaching that diamond anniversary with a high school sweetheart? Most popular free dating apps 2016 tell me. Of course, there are plenty Dating stuart nye jewelry city folk who sincerely do want and enjoy coupledom.
And a whole raft of research on the science of happiness suggests that if that's what you're truly after, perpetually pecking around won't do the job. In that regard, I actually agree with Kanazawa -- and Gottlieb. Maybe, however, it's time that when crunching the s, we freed ourselves from the notion that dating has to be some conveyer belt of hopeless suck, something that people who get around more are doing wrong.
Giving yourself over to love shouldn't mean lowering your standards or limiting your hopes; it just means you've got to be willing to quit shopping. But if there's one thing we urbanites know, it's that the shopping part can be pretty damn fun. Sticky Header Night Mode. The tyranny of dating choice We have more romantic options than ever -- is it making us miserable?